Discussing Top 10 Mistakes Single Women Make in the Graduates.com General Message Board Message Board - Graduates.com - Find Classmates friends and alumni. High School Reunion.

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	Terry says: thanks Sis,but will only agree with some,not all of his ideas,point 4 hits the nail home though,we keep postponing things coz of career,education,too much focus on our children an the man thing becomes last priority,anyway tis gud to be reminded of this facts February 10, 2010, 1:34:09 AM PST
	MERCY says: ok..............have failed......you have reminded me that have failed,,,,,,,,,,thanks..........am now dusting my coats , picking up and rising for better.......... February 10, 2010, 1:38:10 AM PST
	Kc says: Sasa Terry,mamboo?? Biggest mistake is not being able to let go and leave a bad situation. I just stayed way too long hopeing for change and deluding myself that things weren't as bad as they really were..... A serious case of head in sand syndrome. I agree with women ignoring the early signs of a bad boyfriend. Why do women do this? It's the power of small that works here. When you go out with someone, you have to pay attention to the little details about him. Don't start thinking about the future or if the guy is husband material. Rather, focus on the way he treated the waitress, if he opened the door, if he allowed you to speak, if he was concerned about whether your meal was correct.... all those little things that tell you something about his personality. Reply Well, Terry, take the points that hit home & leave those u never do!!! February 10, 2010, 1:40:50 AM PST
	Kc says: HaHaHa Mercy, u make me crack lakini, hile mbayah!!! February 10, 2010, 1:43:16 AM PST
	Salim says: 11. Wanting to replace the guy's football, friends/relatives and other Hobbies with yourself.........Hutaolewa Ng'o! February 10, 2010, 1:45:24 AM PST
	Terry says: @LKC,wat wud u say of a guy who calls me daily b4 i go to bed,tips waiters an waitresses,stirs my tea,encourages me to eat,doesnt want me to switch my fone off,go to shags etc,someone calls hima bodyguard but i still cant place the guy quite... February 10, 2010, 1:48:57 AM PST
	Kc says: He's a sweet Mr nice.........but he should drop his jealous traits!!!Well he's scared of being cheated on poor guy!!!!Tell him ur fears & let him learn that at nite after good nite.......telephone out!!!With time he will get used!!!! February 10, 2010, 1:50:32 AM PST
	Terry says: I hope he does so too but us women/human beings will never have enuf,the day he stops calling,or stops minding my fone is on/off,then i will think hes found anaa catch,thats just us humans! February 10, 2010, 1:52:20 AM PST
	Kc says: Salim, HeHeHe wacha matani..ofcoz I prefer a friend with friends & believe me I am the gal who kicks my guy out of the hse to go & have fun with his friends!!!A change is good as a rest!!!That way he will be happy if I do go golfing with my galfriends, or take a whole day ´getting beautified at the saloon, or blow his creditcard at the shopping mall hahahahaha!!thats the best part make thát card get glowing!!!! February 10, 2010, 1:56:59 AM PST
	MERCY says: @Salim, is marriage a big priority in ones life....what if you marry and he / she drops dead the next day............ LKC, sweetie, forsure and out of my own personal experience umenisaidia....you have reminded me of very important items in my life.............God bless February 10, 2010, 2:02:09 AM PST
	Kc says: Karibu sweetz......... February 10, 2010, 2:03:30 AM PST
	Terry says: i think i will also be very serious on the issue too, thanks LKC, Mercy,LKC lets do the right things now that the times right February 10, 2010, 3:27:10 AM PST
	Chepman says: Did all the Singlets get that? February 10, 2010, 4:01:36 AM PST
	Simukai says: i need to confirm with number 11. February 10, 2010, 5:21:12 AM PST
	MERCY says: no singlets here we have chiklets February 10, 2010, 5:21:52 AM PST
	Kc says: What do single women do wrong? Still looking for that perfect partner? Author Lori Gottlieb knows why. In "Take HIM!: A more better than him ur not gonna find," says Lori Gottlieb, why have too high expectations of love? It would be less important to search for the knight in shining armor.... Insteads, women should just rethink what is really important. The best-selling author lists seven reasons why single women are still alone. 1)). We think we have a right 4 the BEST: "Women try to always give themselves good advice," said Gottlieb. "We say, 'You deserve it, you're the greatest! You're such a good catch! Any man would be lucky!" Men never say such a thing!!! Of course, we're a good catch, but we're also just human, and we are not perfect, and someone has to bear with us, until the end of his life. We forget it. My coach told me,b4 dating, I should write down all the reasons why a guy would not go out with me. At first I thought it would not be much because I'm such a good match. He said 'Think about it, if quirky, sweet and cute r not the same attributes , that could quikly get on someone's elses nerves. Because he loves you, he would ignore. The same thing you need to do. Everyone has to make compromises. ' " 2. We think we have unlimited possibilities: Gottlieb: "You walk into a store and you want a particular top. It has to fit into a certain outfit, have a certain color, and still be on discount!!!. You'll find a nice piece, but you wonder now, if perhaps there somewhere... Outside there....that could still be more better than the top u have at hand - so you keep looking. In the end, you've probably after three weeks yet to find a better top than the first. The same goes for men ... If you're convinced that you have an endless choice of course you keep looking. "But what a man wants to see in his girlfriend, he just looks. Men do not analyze women such as women make with men. Maybe he knows that his current girlfriend is as hot as the one before, but that's okay. She's is hot enough. " February 10, 2010, 5:25:00 AM PST
	Terry says: am waiting for the rest b4 i go c xyz u know..... February 10, 2010, 5:43:39 AM PST
	Kc says: 4)). We are more selective than men: "In online dating, we judge by objective criteria such as size, level of enthusiasm, and so on, for example, instead of subjective Attraction" says Gottlieb. "If you read a profile that does not sort out premature,u could easily fall in love in that man who likes Madonna. But surely not in one who is nice. " 5)). We are looking for the alpha male: Gottlieb: "In cities like New York or Los Angeles, where it's much more to business and entertainment, you will find lots of 'maximizers' - these are people who are always on the lookout for something even better. And 'maximizers' data only 'maximizers'. The other men who are perhaps a little smaller, but at least as sweet and charming, come up empty. These are exactly the same partners that could making you , at 35, 45 or 55 still happy. Partylovers,on the other hand, may not make such a good husband. Maybe he's the type that does not even call back. He is probably just as prejudgmental and choosy as you - and who needs that? " 6)). We think we love ourselves the most: "Of course we do not necessarily need a man," says Gottlieb. "But if we do want a man, but with an attitude of 'Iam the most important person on this world' (just like Samantha from Sex and the City, who parted with these words from the man who helped her through the most difficult time of her cancer),well that has nothing to do with love. A relationship based on reciprocity. So you have to love yourself, but still equally, also need as much selflessness, to love another. Samantha's message for women, is to be strong & selfish. But if you do not want to be alone, rather it is a dangerous view. " 7)). We feel we must have exclusive similarities: Gottlieb: "We say, 'I write, I am creative, but he can't even read a book." People can be creative in various ways. Maybe he also creative & wants someone with whom he can speak better about the last baseball match than with you..... Your husband to be need not be, an all-rounder. Of course, having things in common is kool & if not, that's perfect too. The only common denominator should be: 'Do we want the same thing from life? Do we want to get married? " February 10, 2010, 5:47:34 AM PST
	Stan says: Lady Kayc...i wonder whether you have a man yourself....if yes...he's an angel from heaven February 10, 2010, 5:50:19 AM PST
	Terry says: www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yuvCl3UgjI for all the singles here,esp those with little angels......travelled almost half the nite 2 my little boy angel...... February 10, 2010, 6:21:52 AM PST
	phathutshedzo says: most ladies stay single because they claim to know themselves,and what they want,a colleague of mine have been single since 2007,because she think she deserve somethin better,and most of those kind of ladies they end up being the prey of their seniors at work because of desperation February 10, 2010, 6:30:47 AM PST
	Kc says: Stan........Maybe not, I can be the best angelgal on this world when happy, but the worst enemy when MAD!!!Better run when Iam mad!!But of coz a clever man knows how to make me less dangerous by keeping his 2 feet on the ground & facing me no matter how mad I am!!That impresses me first coz...I love guyz with gutz to face an angry woman & still have the right words 4 the occassion & within secs Iam as kool, as any sweet kittykat!!!!HaHahA!!!! Terry, I will check on the video latter on!!!Enjoy ur evening!!! February 10, 2010, 6:32:01 AM PST
	Stan says: Kc..imagine am that type who never gives up..You look cute..haha...can i be.. February 10, 2010, 9:09:20 AM PST
	Kc says: Stan........stop right there.......if u read carefully my diaries u would have found out that Iam in a not soo easy relationship!!! February 10, 2010, 9:21:07 AM PST
	Kc says: Dating mistakes women make Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Why Women Keep Themselves From Living The Love Life Of Their Dreams? And How To Make Sure You Avoid Every One Of Them... DATING MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE #1)): Betting Your Love Life On His "Potential" Do you know any women who want the man they're dating to behave differently? Of course you do. And just like me, I'm sure you have friends who date guys who don't have much going for them or who don't treat them very well. Somehow these women always have an excuse for the guy's shortcomings. What's going on here? It's actually very simple. Women (and men) don't base their choices of men on how "nice" or "good" someone is to them day-to-day. Women choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them. And guess what? Some women will continue to put up with a guy that doesn't treat them very well. Sometimes for months or years... But why in the world would a woman do that!? Well, to put it simply, they confuse the strong attraction they feel for the guy with a deeper "connection". Women who do this are doomed to end up in failed relationships with the "wrong" guys. How do I know? Because I've seen it at least a hundred times... And because I've been this guy in the past myself. Thinking back on past dating and relationships I've had, I was selfish and didn't offer much. I'm amazed the women put up with me. But they did...all the while hoping that I would somehow change. The women I dated hoped I'd change. The only thing they saw in me that led them to want to keep me around was the "potential" they saw in me to share my feelings and communicate with them. The potential for something better and the potential for me to change and be a better lover, boyfriend, companion or whatever... The truth was, I was hopelessly bad at these things at the time. And more importantly, I wasn't even at a place in my life where I knew how to or was interested in developing a deep and committed relationship - with ANYONE. But deep down these women believed that if they tried hard enough, that it would make up for what was lacking. They believed that I could become someone else with them.... and that this would be easy for us both. Talk about a losing battle. It doesn't make a lot of "logical" sense... But until you accept that lots of women do this AND that YOU could be doing it on some level, you'll NEVER have the success with men that you choose and want. February 10, 2010, 9:28:04 AM PST
	Stan says: I thought its a complement..am sorrrryy.... February 10, 2010, 9:31:31 AM PST
	Stan says: I thought its a complement..am sorrrryy.... February 10, 2010, 9:32:54 AM PST
	Richie says: LK..you said it right here..minus the credit card!..... "Salim, HeHeHe wacha matani..ofcoz I prefer a friend with friends & believe me I am the gal who kicks my guy out of the hse to go & have fun with his friends!!!A change is good as a rest!!!That way he will be happy if I do go golfing with my galfriends, or take a whole day ´getting beautified at the saloon, or blow his creditcard at the shopping mall hahahahaha!!thats the best part make thát card get glowing!!!!" February 10, 2010, 11:15:40 AM PST
	Kali says: Ladykc u are soo right My advice would be to hook up with a guy u truly respect,who has characteristics that u really admire,so that no matter how mad he makes u... u can still think to urself i still respect who he is as a person coz no one is perfect we all make mistakes not to mention that us women are complex creatures if i ask whether my butt is big i already now its big!! am looking for reasuarance that u still adore me and my big butt...not too many men get that or that when im tripping all u have to do is kiss me,hold me @#$^%&(&% me and maybe i will shut up lol February 10, 2010, 11:11:21 PM PST
	Chepman says: Mwende you said it!! February 10, 2010, 11:27:50 PM PST
	Kc says: Stan........no probs!!!.......I get u....now!! Richie,.....well a gal has to have her fun..I was joking ...if u happened to see how I was cracking abt it!!!Anyway....don't worry,.......I prefer glowing my own...bank...that way no one gets to sing or lament I made him bankrupt!!!! Mwende, u got it, we can be soo insecure that it bags me too!!!This thing of asking how I look I stopped afta I found out itz easier not to ask!!!The looks u will get if u look good r better as dfishing 4 complementz........expecially if u have a guy..who prefers to complement others as his own woman!!!!So if I have such a guy......he can also wait 4 complementz!!! February 10, 2010, 11:38:49 PM PST
	mukosha says: For da the ladies February 11, 2010, 12:00:53 AM PST
	Stan says: L.k how ofended do you feel when a dud confeses his crashes on you..just like am about to do...ha February 11, 2010, 1:36:30 AM PST
	Kc says: Stan.......I wasn't offended I was not having such a nice day sorry!!!Well women r funny creatures.......they r hot when they should be cold & cold when they should be hot!!!I hate my temperament sometimes u know....expecially when a guy is appollogysing.........I find myself kicking him when he's on his knees.......When actually I just want to hug him & say all is okay!!!Women hormones play havoc with us gals sometimes I hate, those damn hormones!!!! Actually sometimes back I thought u were bussy trying to make a tent by Mercy's quarters mate, wat happened??? February 11, 2010, 1:48:33 AM PST
	Terry says: @Stan lemi divert u by answering ua question,av had instances wen i feel so mad/helpless an almost shed with anger wen a guy falls for me an all i can feel for the person is revulsion,happened to this stalker back wen id just cleared campo an i wud almost puke wen i noticed him following,sent my ma,the AP police to warn him to no avail an he stalked until we moved out of that locality,its a very bad feeling wen u feel nothing for a guy whos convinced otherwise an here am not talkin of u an LK, just my case! February 11, 2010, 1:49:19 AM PST
	Kc says: DATING MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE #2)): Assuming You "Get" Men & Their Psychology Men are different from women. You need to accept this fact, and deal with it. When a woman sees a man, she can very quickly pick apart certain things about his style, body language, status and character that will tell her all kinds of things about him. Lot's of women don't even consciously see that they do this because the process is so obvious and simple for them. But does the same apply for men? As you probably already know, men are generally more visual. As a result, they often don't understand non-verbal communication as well as women. And men often lack what women have in emotional awareness and "intuition". Women don't seem to remember this about men. So do men feel sexually attracted to women based just on looks? Or is something else going on? Well, after studying this topic for years now, and talking to thousands of men and women, I can tell you that men have their "attraction mechanisms" triggered by things OTHER than looks. Especially when it comes to longer term relationships. Looks just happen to be the most obvious way... But looks are NOT the most powerful. If you know how to use your body language AND communication correctly, you can make men feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see that hot, great looking guy that you got to know. But it's not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this. And ANY woman can learn how... February 11, 2010, 1:52:28 AM PST
	Kc says: DATING MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE #3)): Pretending To Be Something For A Man In the desire to please a man, women are constantly doing things to get a man's attention, to get him to like them or to make him more attracted or in love with them. Another HORRIBLE idea. Lots of women mistakenly think that doing unusual things to try and get a guys attention will make him magically see what a great catch they are and want to be with them. Wrong. Men YOU TRULY WANT are never attracted to the types of women who kiss up to them, make weak plays for affection or complain to get what they want... EVER. Don't get me wrong here. Things like being sexy for a man or encouraging him to share his feelings can be good, but it has to be genuine, unselfish, and most of all timely. You don't have to act like an "easy" woman for men to like you, and you certainly don't have to play like he's some gift to the Earth. Doing these things actually works to subtly, at an subconscious level, lower your social status with a man, which has EVERYTHING to do with how he sees you as a woman. So if you think that making him more attracted to you means "playing to the man's fantasies "from the start, think again. You'll never succeed by looking for a man's approval, finding your way into his heart through sex and not being yourself. February 11, 2010, 1:56:04 AM PST
	Stan says: Terry ..dont kick them away give them a chance & see what they have to offer..u never know he may be mr. Right in disguise or may introduce you to the perfect..man..swty.. February 11, 2010, 1:59:23 AM PST
	Kc says: DATING MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE #4)): Sharing How You"Feel" Too Early With Him Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most women make with men is sharing how they ?feel? too early on. Listen... Attractive, single, successful men are rare. They get a LOT of attention from women. Most women don't realize this, but attractive men are being approached in one way or another all the time by women. And guess what? Attractive wen have usually dated a lot of women. That's right. They have EXPERIENCE. They know what to expect. And one thing that turns an attractive men off and sends him running away faster than just about anything... It's a woman who starts saying "You know, I really, REALLY like you" after one or two dates. This signals to the man that you're just like one of those "clingy" stereotype women who want to rush into a relationship and can't control yourself from wanting a man to fulfill them and complete their lives. This does NOT spell ATTRACTION for a man. Don't do it. Lean back. Relax. There's a much better way... February 11, 2010, 2:01:04 AM PST
	Terry says: @Stan for that stalker if u were in my shoes u wud have run away very fast,i couldnt even go to the shop without coliding with him an he wud insist that watever i did or werever i went he wud eventualy marry me,he just gave me nightmares,there was no way this kud mr right that much i know....an anyway who looks for mr.right just after skul wen u want to enjoy life kidogo February 11, 2010, 2:02:35 AM PST
	Stan says: K.c its true & we understand...thats we dont get emotional.. O.k let me speak my mind out..i admire you.!!!..hate me for that but its true...! February 11, 2010, 2:04:13 AM PST
	Kc says: Misreading The Important "Signals" That Men Send Men are constantly communicating how they feel about a woman and giving away big secrets about themselves. Most women don't pay attention to these signals or recognize them for what they really are. The signals men send have 4 main levels: 1) Social: Where the man is at in his own life - stability, confidence, direction 2) Emotional: Whether or not he's "emotionally available" 3) Physical: If he's attracted to you... and for what reasons 4) Love State: If he's open to building and growing a relationship in the future The funny thing is that men send signals in these areas completely on accident. That's great news to women... Men can't help it! You need to learn to recognize these signals to get anywhere serious with a man. February 11, 2010, 2:05:00 AM PST
	Kc says: DATING MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE #8)): Trying To "Convince" Him To Like You Or Love You What do most women do when they meet a man that they REALLY like... but he's just not that interested or isn't as serious? Right! They try to ?convince? the man to feel differently. Well, I have news for you... YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A MAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION! Never, ever, ever. You cannot convince a man to feel differently about you with ?logic and reasoning?. Think about it. If a man doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that by being ?reasonable? with him? But we all do it. Men are the worst at this by the way. They're always complimenting women who don't like them and buying them gifts. Women like the behavior sometimes, but it NEVER makes the woman like the man. She might enjoy what she gets out of it, but it doesn't change the way she FEELS about him. When a man just isn't interested, women will try and chase, compliment, convince and do their best to change his mind with logical and rational approaches. Bad idea. Another one that will never work. DATING MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE #9)): Not Knowing What To Do In Each Type Of Situation A man has a clear idea of what he wants from a woman... And I don't mean just sex. I know, it might be hard to believe, but if you're out on a date with a man, he already has an idea of what he wants from you. And if you don't know HOW to find this out, and you just sit there looking at him and flirting, or trying things you think will make him want you, he won't help! If you don't know what to do in each situation, you'll probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING. February 11, 2010, 2:06:48 AM PST
	Kc says: DATING MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE #10)): Not Getting Help This is the biggest mistake of all. This mistake keeps women from EVER having the kind of success and finding the kind of man and relationship that they truly want. I know, you don't like to make yourself look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help. Hey, I've been there myself. Let me tell you a little about me. I've helped women get rid of that sick, insecure feeling... the one you get when you're lonely, you've been hurt or lied to, or when a man you have feelings for says "he's not ready". You don't have to be afraid you might wind up being lied to, cheated on or that you'll end up alone. February 11, 2010, 2:08:41 AM PST
	Terry says: @LKC, the thing on attraction,how do u convince a man not to be attracted to u????? February 11, 2010, 2:12:48 AM PST
	Kc says: Sasa Stan..... is it nitetime by ur sides.....howz the weather those sides??By me itz freezzing to the bones & autumn is no where in sight!!LOL! Terry, pole sana abt ur plightz back then!!! February 11, 2010, 2:16:46 AM PST
	Terry says: am all ears,endelea... February 11, 2010, 2:19:44 AM PST
	Kc says: Terry.....U mean the whole stuff u have already read wewe student mzuri sana!!! February 11, 2010, 2:21:34 AM PST
	Terry says: am fast reader, am also serious not to mess things u know..... February 11, 2010, 2:22:25 AM PST
	Stan says: Kc..nooo..! Its daytime over here 1 pm to be exact..we are melting out..its damn too..hot..but why the diverge..??! February 11, 2010, 2:25:38 AM PST
	Kc says: The 4 Most Common Dating Mistakes Women Make Blunders happen -- that's life. But some women make mistakes by not thinking ahead and not being aware of what they're doing at the moment. Here are some of the most common ones... by eHarmony Staff Albert Einstein said, "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new." This seems especially true when it comes to dating. You may accidentally call your date Bob when his name is Bill. You may spill a glass of red wine on his nice, new suit. You might get a glob of spinach stuck in your teeth (which you'll notice two hours after dinner). Blunders and bloopers happen-that's life. But some women make mistakes by not thinking ahead and not being aware of what they're doing at the moment. Here are some of the most common ones: 1. Talking about long-term commitment too soon Although it is untrue that all men are afraid of commitment, most prefer to ease into the subject slowly and after plenty of time spent getting to know their partner. It is a mistake to fish around for clues as to how your date feels about "your future together." The first weeks and months of dating should be devoted to getting acquainted and enjoying each other-without the pressure of "what lies ahead." If dating is destined to grow into a long-term relationship, you will both know when the time is right to bring it up. No need to force the issue or try to foretell the future. 2. Unloading past relationship baggage By the time you begin dating as an adult, you have probably had your heart broken a time or two. It is painful. We vow to learn from past wounds and never let it happen again. But dating is a chance to meet someone new. Talking about past relationships, and all the ways in which you were mistreated, invites old ghosts to join you on your date. What was supposed to be a quiet, romantic dinner can suddenly seem very crowded. The time may come for you to discuss your past experiences, but be judicious and cautious about sharing too much too soon. 3. Conducting a "job interview" A friend of mine joked that he was going to take a copy of his resume on future dates, since several recent ones had seemed more like job interviews than conversations. It is natural to want to know as much as you can about your date: his tastes, experiences, career, and hobbies. You may want to know about his family and past romantic relationships. But probing too far too fast can come across as nosy and intrusive. 4. Being ungrateful and unappreciative Some women don?t realize that planning and pulling off a date can cause lots of anxiety for a man. It takes guts to ask someone out, and it takes careful consideration to orchestrate a nice evening. Show gratitude for the effort. The words ?Thank You? go a long way. Mistakes come in all sizes. Some dating fumbles can even be charming. A little awareness can help ensure that yours won?t be so big as to rule out future dates. February 11, 2010, 2:26:09 AM PST
	Stan says: Terry imagine me i cant read all that stuff..read on my behalf u'l narrate when we ar alone..sawaz. February 11, 2010, 2:28:41 AM PST
	Terry says: that job interview thing reminds of these guys who ask u immediately wen u meet where u work,wht tribe u come from,wea ua shags at,ua job title an such stuff,truthfully this is a turn off February 11, 2010, 2:32:53 AM PST
	Kc says: Stan wacha uzebee wewe...it means ur not even bothering to read comments directed to u!! February 11, 2010, 2:33:41 AM PST
	Kc says: This r commentz written by other pipo abt the 4 dating mistakes!!! Mickey275 In my experience, job interview usually means she's trying to size up your current financial status and future earning potential.- January 25, 2010 06:56 AM Reply to this comment Report Violation Tashaca Why is there such an assumption that men pay for the date? I'm a woman, and I always just assume that I will be paying my own way. I've only ever once or twice had a guy who really insisted on paying for me, to which I usually negotiate that I'll pay for the next date for both of us. For me, it takes away any expectations of "gratitude" (although I'll always thank my date for a nice evening).- August 20, 2009 03:52 PM Reply to this comment gothustartus Women can do two things to quickly turn me off. First, as mentioned in the article, being ungrateful and unappreciative is a real turn-off. Some women do have entitlement issues and expect to be pampered without ever saying "thank you" or showing men that they are appreciated. Women like this are the ones who become very bitter when they lose their looks as they age into their mid-30s, yet cannot seem to find anyone who wants to marry them. [/QUOTE] You think mid 30's is going downhill?!? Hell, that's when i think a woman is just hitting her prime. Take Goldie Hawn in Rowan and Martins laugh in, a young squeaky airhead. Then look at her in Bird on a wire after the squeak had mellowed and she'd learned how to give a look that didn't just undress you, it tied you to the bed too, YUM!!!- Read more: advice.eharmony.com/article/the-4-most-common-dating-mistakes-women-make.html#ixzz0fDr2l2h9 February 11, 2010, 2:35:23 AM PST
	Stan says: Kc ..have eye problems my dear..! February 11, 2010, 2:41:42 AM PST
	Terry says: Stan,ua eyes wil clear up ile siku u will be taking me out.......haiyaa February 11, 2010, 2:44:09 AM PST
	Kc says: Blunders happen -- that's life. But some women make mistakes by not thinking ahead and not being aware of what they're doing at the moment. Here are some of the most common ones... These are common but i would have to say, The 4 most common ive noticed are: 1.Not asking question not being really interested in the guy there on a date with instead they talk about themselves and goofy friends. Its insanely good to ask questions then shut up and really listen! its amazing how much a guy will like you if you simply become interested in him and become a good listner! kinda like the book " how to win friends and influence people" a timeless classic! 2.talking about the wrong things like slutty friends, etc.. hmm "birds of a feather flock together" huge red flag there! The book "GetRomeoNow" discusses this in great detail! 3.Having no thoughts or not expressing any thoughts of the the future.. everything you do or say is aimed at now/today not having any hopes dreams etc.. also deeply discussed in "GetRomeoNow" 4. Being insecure/not confident! having the fake wall up.. too long is a huge mistake and a big turnoff and shows massive insecurity!! show him your true self and if he dosent like it youve saved your self tons of time! and in doing so your showing that your very confident in yourself! a Huge Turnon for mature men that are ready for a relationship!! Great book on the subject "Feel the fear and do it anyway" Or "get romeo Now" 5. Also being premiscuis to early is a huge red flag.. just dont do it.. if he dosent stick around youve eliminated a guy after the wrong thing great job!! also deeply talked about in "GetRomeonow" I know, right? The men I've dated committed every one of these faux pas, and I was just as freaked out as any man would have been. I wish EHarmony wouldn't alwaysplace the responsibilityof a relationship's success so squarely on the woman's shoulders. #4 Being male I have met women who have viewed dating as a contest and themseleves as the prize tó be won... It is not just about the particular mistakes we make. Sometimes one particular mistake is just the last straw. The situations that make up a relationship are important. If everything else is good it is easier to overlook some things that are not. - #6 D_Lion D_Lion - Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned! Being male I have met women who have viewed dating as a contest and themseleves as the prize to be won. Is not a prize supposed to have value? Would be my answer to that. Benevolence32 is not looking forward to shorter days and colder weather They're not gender specific but I do think a case could be made that women are more often guilty of #3 and #4....in all honesty.Being male I have met women who have viewed dating as a contest and themseleves as the prize to be won. Hey, you weren't supposed to tell anyone! Once the other guys know the game is afoot, that'll give you more competition for the prize!! I would agree for all except #4. In a relationship where the man spends the bulk load of the dating cash, that is a pretty one-sided issue. Some women never say "thank you for dinner". Or thank a guy for anything. Friedrice said "it's my duty to look good, his duty to pay for dinner". So it makes you wonder if women actually think this way think that "just looking good" is the payback for a full course meal, drinks and maybe a movie. Just a heads up, a guy typically buys dinner because it's his "role". You being dressed up or looking good is pretty insignificant especially if he gets no sex oout of it. You dress up for YOU, not him. And he doesn't care anyway, he just wants your company. - February 11, 2010, 2:45:19 AM PST
	Terry says: mwisho???am still hanging!!! February 11, 2010, 2:54:27 AM PST
	Deusdedit says: Wuh Lady uko full! Concern: Kinda these ladies never get married easily, some of them even dont get married....women dont be too ambitious aiseee! Just take it simple easy and slow, all is gonna be weli weli and yori yori!.... Mupo hapo? We LKC? February 11, 2010, 3:03:01 AM PST
	Terry says: www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIzAcloyGBk February 11, 2010, 5:46:22 AM PST
	Kc says: Terry, hu ur a good at asking 4 more!!Well Iam off 4 more stuff!! Deus, tumo, humu, humu, ni kazi problema bana!! February 11, 2010, 5:51:24 AM PST
	Kc says: 5 Dating Mistakes That Women Make With Men by Michael Webb Great men are hard to find. So when you find one, don't ruin your chances by making these deadly mistakes. Remember, attractive men have dated a lot of women so they know what's going on. The result? They'll disappear before you realize you've done anything wrong. Here are 5 things that many women do that blow their chances with their boyfriend, and how to avoid them. Mistake #1)): Sharing your feelings with him too early Men love their freedom and independence Â no mysteries there! So when you announce that you love him, it often sets off a trigger that you might be one of those "clingy types." Remember that the early stages of dating should always remain casual. Only after you get to know each other really well should you pursue anything further. It's also worth mentioning that you can't logically convince someone to fall in love with you. Falling in love is a process that happens outside the conscious mind Â remember that. Which brings me to... Mistake #2)): Trying to push it too far too soon It's natural to wonder about the nature of your relationship, "Does he want more? Or is this just a fling?" But remember, if you start talking about marriage after only 12 months, you could ruin your chances to take things further. And if you don't live together, cooking dinner or doing his laundry isn't a good idea. A nice meal once in a while is okay, but don't make it a regular thing. Yes, it's true, many men are scared of commitment; but just because they don't want it now, doesn't mean they don't want to settle down. They just need time. Mistake #3)): Being too available You might think this is playing a mind game or being manipulative, but putting your best side forward is also manipulative. Why? Because it's done to get a desirable outcome. This is simply a reminder to be who you were before you met the man and continue to be that person, rather than use trickery. Remember that your busy, interesting and fun life only has so much time for him, no matter how much you like him. And remember, men love a challenge, so this actually works in your favor. Mistake #4)): Not being yourself Men love confident women with a strong sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, women often try to guess how the man wants them to act and try to accommodate his mold, which leaves very little room for your own personality to shine. (And yes, men do this too.) In other words, they love her strength. It's very attractive. Mistake #5)): Appealing to his sexual side too much Believe it or not, it's NOT make-up, dyed hair, pretty clothes or even nice shoes that attract men, not into a successful long-term relationships anyway! While "looks" is the obvious factor that seems to get an instant response from men, long-term success comes with finding a man who admires and respects you regardless of your exterior. If your man only likes you for your looks, then he doesn't really love you. So there you have it. The 5 big mistakes that women make while they're dating men. Avoid these mistakes and you'll dramatically increase the chances of succeeding with him. Michael Webb ©2008 February 11, 2010, 5:55:06 AM PST
	Terry says: kesho majaaliwa dada,wil be looking out for mo ,sis, bring it on dear! February 11, 2010, 5:55:24 AM PST
	Kc says: Ciao! Ciao.........Ciao bella.... Terry,..paka kesho......basi jioni njema to u & ur loved ones!!! February 11, 2010, 6:05:44 AM PST
	Kc says: The Biggest Dating Mistake Women Make Although there are many types of dating mistakes that women share with us, the mistake of dating a man exclusively too soon into a relationship is the one that is most often the real culprit that keeps women from finding that special guy. It may sound dramatic to call this the "biggest" dating mistake, but what elevates it to this level is that women often don?t recognize that dating exclusively so quickly is a mistake. This is a problem for both inexperienced and experienced daters, who not only make this mistake, but continue to make it over and over again. Here are some reasons why I think that women continue to make this mistake and why they need to break this habit: Can't See the bigger picture- Most women are great with details. After a relationship ends, women are likely to identify many of the details as to why that particular relationship ended. It?s important to recognize specific mistakes and to vow not to make them again, but it's also important to see the big picture. A woman may realize that she was wasting her time with a man who wasn't ready to commit, but this is just a detail about what is wrong with her dating strategy. The big picture is that it took her months to discover this about this man while ruling out all chances of meeting a man that was a better match for her. Some things take time- You may need months of dating someone to discover the things about them that determine whether or not this relationship has the potential to last. In the example above, the big problem is not that it took months to determine that the man was not ready for commitment, the problem is that the woman didn?t keep her options open while she was making this discovery. We often look down on women who date multiple men- When men aren?t dating any one particular woman exclusively, we may say that they are "playing the field" or give it some other term that shows approval. Woman who date in this manner are often described in much less flattering terms. Now of course if you are dating multiple men as you search for "the one," you need to hold off on getting involved sexually with these men. First, you need to wait until you have been dating that special guy, who stands out from the others that you're dating, long enough to determine if he has the characteristics that you want in a long term partner. Next, make sure that you are both seeing each other exclusively and are both looking at creating a lasting relationship, before you get sexually involved. Women aren't comfortable approaching this topic- Many women worry that a man will think that they are "slutty" if they let him know that they'd rather date a few men casually before deciding if they want to date one of them exclusively. Men actually seem to have a better handle on the concept that dating should be fun than women do, and many men complain to us that most women are looking for a relationship to become too serious too soon. Women need to keep in mind that even though their ultimate goal for dating may be to find a soul mate, they should still be having fun during the dating process. More prospects = greater chance of success- If you've ever been in sales, you know that your chances of success are the greatest when you have multiple prospects rather than focusing all your time and energy on one prospect. I know that doesn?t sound very romantic, but the goal of finding a lifetime partner is even more difficult to achieve than the salesman who wants to land a million dollar deal. You would laugh at the salesman who only pursued one client after one meeting with them, yet we tend to see nothing wrong with the woman who starts dating a man exclusively after only one date. So, if you are a woman looking for that special someone, or you know a woman who is searching, be aware of this ?biggest? of dating mistakes. I've known many women that were finally able to find that special guy once they broke this habit of always dating exclusively. Instead of dating one or two men over the course of a year, they had the chance to date many men and compare the potential that they all had for becoming that lifetime partner. What do you think? Do you think that dating should be exclusive? Or should it remain casual until you have enough time to decide if this is a person you want to date exclusively? Please share your thoughts!!! February 11, 2010, 6:06:32 AM PST
	jomo says: ladies - mr right doesn't exist. Get a guy like jomo - no good looks, always broke coz of huge bills an low salary, comes home late, never watches midnight movie, wakes up early, rarely eats lunch coz of tight work schedule but at the end of it all always available during emergency. February 11, 2010, 6:08:04 AM PST
	Kc says: HaHaHaHaHaHa...........Jomo wewe, mwisho wamawazo LOL!Hali lakini? February 11, 2010, 6:10:04 AM PST
	Lazarus says: Wow! LKC you are a genius or a guru. Your responses and contributions are extremely knowledgeable, informative and exhaustive. Where do you get all this data? Am impressed! February 11, 2010, 8:44:29 AM PST
	Kc says: Desperate Daters are ALWAYS available. You really liked him. The first date was terrific and he hasn't called in four days, so you're a little bit worried that he isn't as enthusiastic as you are. Holy smokes! The phone rings, it's him and he says, "What are you doing right now? Wanna grab some dinner?" "YES. YES. YES. COME PICK ME UP!" That's what you're thinking, but what does it say about you that a 6:20 pm phone call is plenty of notice for a 6:30 pm dinner date. "Well," you might say, "I'm an adult, and not into games, so why should I pretend to be busy?" And you're right, dating isn't a game - it's a dance. You're teaching this new person how you like to dance by the treatment you accept. If you want to be completely honest with the caller you could say, "I don't accept dinner dates 10 minutes before dinner," but the kinder, less aggressive way to teach this person that you have too much of a life to be available at the drop of a hat is to say, "I'm busy tonight, but let's set something up for this weekend." If you choose to answer this call and say, "Sure, I'm free. Let's go to dinner," it isn't the end of the world. For the caller, however, it is impossible not to take note of your availability. You're starting to establish the pattern of desperation. Desperate Daters are clingy. It's a basic human behavior. The things that we believe to be abundant get less attention. The things we believe to be scarce and valuable get lots of attention. It makes lots of sense in the jungle, but focusing your attention like a laser beam on a potential relationship partner can spell doom. Desperate daters are scared that they are going to be dumped. They believe there are few good candidates out there, and if they lose this person?they will be crushed! So they hold on tightly. They ask a lot of prying questions, "What did you do last night? Who was there?" They stay as close as possible under the assumption that being nearby can prevent their prize from escaping. Of course, nothing could be further from the truth. Southern Rockers 38 Special had it just right, "Hold on loosely, but don't let go. If you cling too tightly, you're gonna lose control." Desperate Daters need constant relationship status updates. It's not uncommon for a 5-year-old to climb into the car for a long trip and ask the driver 15 minutes later, "Are we there yet? How many more miles?" There are many grown men and women who act the same way with their romantic relationships. These relationship conversations (we like the term "State of the Union" conversations) can come over and over as the desperate partner seeks for some handle they can use to sooth their fear of being abandoned. "What are we? What are we doing? Are we insert next life hurdle here?" Not sure of what's going on, some will play along, trying to give the fearful partner a sense of comfort and ease. It sometimes works - for awhile. More often the desperate party's constant need for reassurance leaves the exhausted partner heading for the door. Desperate Daters fish for compliments. Desperate daters need outside encouragement at every turn. They are so desperate to feel good about themselves that they become masters of creating compliments out of thin air. Self-deprecation is the most common tool. DD: "Wow. I feel so fat." You: "What are you talking about? You look great." DD: "Oh REALLY! Thanks so much. For the less subtle set there's the direct question, "What do you think of my jeans?"? "Do you like my hair?"? "Am I as pretty as Angelina Jolie?" Or the move where he/she walks in the room strikes a pose and says, "Well?" -- confident that you're not going to say, "You look ridiculous," and waiting for you to shower praise and affection all over them. This brand of desperation is simply exhausting. Lest you think you can say enough kind things to eventually create a self-assured person, beware. True desperation is a tough hole to patch. February 12, 2010, 2:30:06 AM PST
	Kc says: Desperate Daters Drop Their Friends. If you NEED a relationship, then nothing is going to stand in the way, right? Certainly not the friends who love you and will probably forgive you for dumping them. So goes the logic of the desperate mind. The problem is that dating a person who puts their entire life on hold for you?is creepy. "I know I usually go to Las Vegas with my friends for March Madness but I just want to be with you." It can be a lot of pressure being the center of someone's universe, and you start to wonder about key traits - like loyalty and dependability - that can have a big impact on whether you choose to pursue a long term relationship someone. Desperate Daters Drop Their Standards. Books have been written on the topic of "settling." What is settling? When to settle? And a quick perusal of the eHarmony Advice community shows volumes of thought and debate on the topic. Clearly, it is possible to want too much from a date or a mate. Downshifting from some overblown list of traits and accomplishments is a wise decision. But we all have an internal sense of what we can attract in the marketplace of life. Dry spells come and go, but life has taught us the kinds of people we can successfully date. Water seeks its own level. In addition, most people have spent some time thinking about the traits that are important to them -- honesty, stability, curiosity, good work ethic, respectful, etc. These traits become the short list of what you MUST HAVE from a partner to be with them. The desperate dater is too driven by fear to pay attention to this inner voice. They start to toss these requirements overboard one by one. They believe that their best years are behind them, and that the only way to be in a relationship is to settle for less. Much less. Desperate Daters Rationalize Bad Treatment. Continuing with our theme of song lyrics, here's one from Nashville songstress Pam Tillis called, Cleopatra, The Queen of Denial. "I knew he didn't have any money Yeah that's why he couldn't buy me a ring Oh and just because he bought himself a brand new pickup truck Really didn't prove anything And he never had to say he loved me I could see it every time he smiled Just call me Cleopatra everybody, 'cause I'm the Queen of Denial" When you are desperate for love you'll take a lot of gruff. In fact, you often don't even notice the poor treatment because acknowledging that you're being treated badly is the first step down the road to walking away. If you've ever made excuses to your friends for the way your significant other treats you, it's time to take a long hard look at your relationship and priorities. Are you so desperate to be with a person that you'll allow them to treat you like an old shoe? So in conclusion, if we imagine a person who is the opposite of the one described above we have someone who is: Not always available -- has a busy life and can make time with a little notice. Not Clingy -- comfortable with some space in the relationship. Comfortable without constant relationship updates - likes to let things progress naturally. Secure without artificial compliments. Going to continue to make their friends an important priority. Continuing to maintain reasonable standards for their dates. Not going to tolerate poor treatment in a relationship. The irony is that while the person we've just described seems like a harder person to date - higher standards, more rules, less available - they are infinitely more likely to end up in a great relationship than the poor desperate soul who is willing to do double-backflips just to be with someone February 12, 2010, 2:40:11 AM PST
	Kc says: The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make The Millionaire Matchmaker: The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make 1. They go on too many unproductive dates. "It's better not to date unless you're out of practice. If you know how to date, and you're meeting losers, get off the market, and go into dating detox. Clean your energy up so those people don't ask you out any more. The problem is we women are very impatient. We want it now. Instant gratification! Sometimes the best guys are worth waiting for. You might get one good date a year, versus 100 bad ones, but he's worth it." 2. They go out with their girlfriends in the hopes of meeting guys. "When you?re with your girlfriends, you're not approachable. They're scared. Men are very timid. I have this theory: Women who travel in packs do not attract. Men who are quality aren't going to go in there and ask you out while your girlfriends are standing right there-he could get shot down. So it's a really good idea, at about 4 or 4:30 P.M., to go to the bar: Sit at the bar, have a cocktail, get an hors d'oeuvre, read a mutual-gender book like The Da Vinci Code, know the score on TV, and pretend you?re busy. You're reading a book, you're eating an hors d'oeuvre, you're meeting a friend-and then you?re more approachable because you?re by yourself." 3. They think a guy will always like them if he just gets to know them. "A guy knows right away if he's attracted to you or not. There's no warming up. Men are microwaves, women are Crockpots. Women heat up very slowly. They take in information; they decipher it and download it onto their computer. Men know in one second, yes or no." 4. They overshare on the date. "Women are so trusting that they tell too much information about themselves. They pump and dump- they baggage dump! They say, ?Oh, I had two cocktails, I?m all relaxed, now he?s my best friend and I can tell him whatever I want.? They?re nervous, they drink too much, and they tell their life story-and sometimes their life story is not a good story to tell." 5. They don?t let the guy talk enough. "The way you talk on a date should be like a tennis match, but the guy should talk three times as often. It should be 3:1. He volleys, volleys, volleys, now you talk. You can answer the question every time he volleys, but then you lead him with your question, and it should be topical to the conversation he's having. You don't say, "Hey, do you want to get married?" Hey, what?s your ex-girlfriend like? Hey, are you a drinker?' You don't do that. You lead with what he's talking about." 6. They forget their manners. "The key to a good date is to smile. Engage with eye contact. Let him lead and then you compliment little things along the way. If he orders the dessert and you guys share it, say, 'Oh, this is the best chocolate mousse, I'm so glad you picked this.' Manners are key. Most people do not have manners." February 15, 2010, 6:12:52 AM PST
	Terry says: thanks sis February 15, 2010, 6:18:05 AM PST
	Kc says: Karibu Terry, always a pleasure........!!! February 15, 2010, 6:21:20 AM PST
	Kc says: TYPICAL THINGS WOMEN DO WITH MEN Not only does he not like the way you're being with him... but you're also doing something else that will have him seeing you in an even worse light...you'll be acting very PREDICTABLE and fulfilling all of the worst expectations a man might have about you, or about women in general. Here's a great dating tip for women: you, like lots of other women, are probably acting in a ways that are often very PREDICTABLE to men. In fact, PAINFULLY predictable Look at this formula: Predictable = Boring Boring = Emotionally Flat Emotionally Flat = No ATTRACTION No Attraction = No Interest or Attention or Affection From A Man One of the VERY BEST ways to lose a man is to act or become very PREDICTABLE. A huge dating mistake women make that causes them to start acting predictable to men in negative ways is GIVING AWAY YOUR POWER or putting your life "on hold" for a man while you're trying to make sure your relationship is working. At least not HEALTHY AND ATTRACTIVE MEN who would rather have NO RELATIONSHIP and be alone if they can't have the right kind of relationship for them. If you act or feel lonely or hopeless, or if you are waiting to share love with a man to start experiencing joy in your life, you are shooting yourself in the foot and getting in your own way in so many types of situations you can't even see it right now. 1) Calling Him All The Time It's great if you feel so strongly for a man and you share such a great connection that you can't wait until the next time you talk. But even if you're not feeling "needy" about why you call a man all the time... a man will often PERCEIVE this as a sign of INSECURITY and NEEDINESS and actually start wanting to talk to you and be around you less and back off!!! Some women are so busy giving and trying to communicate and be close to a man that they cover up all the space, time and opportunity where a man would otherwise be giving back to them. 2) Doing "Nice Things" And Favors For Him He's completely "in his own head" and not paying much attention to them. They think to themselves, "I better come up with some way to connect with him as a woman to a man. Why don't I try and HELP HIM with some of the stuff he's having a hard time with. That way I can help him out with what's bothering him and he'll like me and know that I like him." What does this really do for a MAN when a woman tries to help him out with his own "burdens" in life? Does it make him start feeling ATTRACTION and LOVE for her? Doing this communicates a few different subtle things: A) That you're his "friend", and not a woman for him to want and desire. B) That you don't have the confidence or the ability to get him to spend time with you for NO REASON other than the fact that you'll be together... and that you must not be WORTH spending time with without some kind of bribe or "incentive" for him. C) That you have to do things in order to win his LOVE and APPROVAL for you... and that you'll do anything including spending your precious time and energy helping him do even mundane everyday stuff in his life just so he'll like you. Seeking a man's approval by doing stuff even he wouldn't want to do only tells a man that you don't value yourself and your time...and so neither will he. 3) Acting Like His Girlfriend From The Beginning So where is the dating advice here? Well, what's better than a nice, thoughtful woman who is loving and reassuring and nurturing from the very first date? February 15, 2010, 11:37:23 AM PST
	Kc says: Four Things Never to Utter Around Him Some subjects of conversation will make a dude's eyes glaze over in boredom, put him on the defensive... or even leave him questioning your sanity. By Cosmopolitan dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/87522/dating-101-four-things-never-to-utter-around-him March 6, 2010, 2:59:58 AM PST
	Kc says: David, then u better make it sightful!!! March 7, 2010, 6:21:52 AM PST
	Mutie says: thats very true March 8, 2010, 2:11:33 AM PST
	washerenowgone says: i think things depend from one guy to the other...some guys prefer doiong those things,i mean,calling him as often as u can, doing favours and the likes!!!!!! March 8, 2010, 2:41:12 AM PST
	jomo says: Some single woman think that men are expendable. March 8, 2010, 4:26:38 AM PST
	Stella says: @Jomo,expendable how? March 9, 2010, 1:51:57 AM PST

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