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Chepman says:
I thank you also for teaching dis young people the driven international computers...I even hear they can now drives new models with speeds of kilometer at 700...that must be fastest than aeroplanes...
<i>One politician on ICDL (international computer driving license) courses</i>
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Chepman says:
Just got this from a lady some minutes ago....
Oh My God, this dresses is killing me...my shakes are jumping jumping with their pain....(someone please translate!!)
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samsonDar says:
Chep....where were you MAN.
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Chepman says:
@Samson: I hope you are not getting wild ideas now man...Two ladies outside my office window chitchatting innocently...thats how I got that...
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samsonDar says:
THE IDEA is clear to me, but u dont appear online sometimes Chep. welcome back.
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Chepman says:
Kazi tu Samson mwenzangu, but soon I will be storming in with all the dust and the boulders along...lol
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J. M. says:
IDI AMIN IN THE U.K.
His Mergesty the queen, Ladies under gentlemen and all the disgusting guests.... I am very proud of the way you have received me and I promise (addressing the queen)when you come to Uganda I will revenge.
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BENSON says:
I like everything here!lol
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Edward says:
The teacher she is coming.. I am not me. keep your hand on the pocket and remove a money quickly before I shorted you
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Kc says:
Me, l don´t like pple ambiaring me wat l should do !l´m no china that l´m gonna break or kubof, i m Kenya damu, ngumu kama jiwe..........Why r u sitting on my table it´s me table?
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Prisca says:
hahahaa.this is funny,it reminds me of some people with mobile phones,they would say,'u deeped me'instead of 'beep'
our history teacher back in secondary school;
ze colonialists zey colonised us africans,zose people zey were so bad,zey took our resources and send to europe...zeafore...
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Chepman says:
My deskmate in primary school while borrowing a pen would say;
Did I use your pen please?
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Kc says:
Veem thats sounds like Kiuk guy lol!Kiuks have no L in their vocabularies thats why the L letter ngumu sana((Kong letter 4 them)).......
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Mpho says:
"i belive Times and Times wait for no man, Do it today, b'coz tommorow don't come, and speak freely b'coz English is Not Our Mother Land."
On a security's c.v
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Smart says:
I remember one time in high school a mono was telling her friend " I left the water entering the bucket...."
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Viola says:
Someone wrote this in a composition in primary school, "The clock was walking very fast and I was late, so I asked the driver to step on the fat!" (to accelerate!!)
You rem how in high school prefects would report at parade how classes, dorms etc were doing on cleaning? Ati there's this one day when a cop reported in Kiswahili that "Kulikuwa na bweni chafu ..." The teacher on duty, thinking that was a student came forward and demanded," yu wapi huyo Bweni Chafu, aje hapa haraka...!!"
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Viola says:
Did someone just say, " we will buy a rice...!!"
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Kc says:
Hahaha hilarious Viola........lol!Eng is quite kong bana.......
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Graca says:
You calls me school children?! Eh! You calls me school children?! You calls me primary kid?! Eh! You calls me primary?!
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Jeree says:
Ma High skool ticha on duty kwa parade;" This morning, i saw a group of boys, drinking a cigarette, and when the saw me, they measured the cigarette, cut a corner and run a paper."
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Christine says:
oh am bak with a bang! in a composition i had writen in primary of a trip to nairobi," we saw many golfas' i mean storey buildigs
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Kc says:
Chep..........r shakes actually milkshakes....????
Thats wat shoe repair man says to his customer "Auntie, ur pawpaws r poking & staring at me ,making me scared they gonna attack me!"Teheehee........who is scared now!
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T. says:
wazzup guys..just stopping by and say hi...
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Salim says:
Hehe this is wonderful!!
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Biggie smalls! says:
....my physics teacher.....who killed the window?
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Biggie smalls! says:
my primary school when she caught me screwing a girl she reporte like this....'' i found him entering this girl!''
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Smart says:
Lil Jonnie, that was supposed to be mine. n u tell those small kids to stop bad manners.
sO U R NOLONGER TUBELESS?
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Biggie smalls! says:
Esther tiga kujita tubeless nii ndina tube!
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Smart says:
reu wenayo. tene ndurari.
Nikii kai utarera twana tou tutige bad manners?
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Biggie smalls! says:
Kairitu karera gachari kau atiriri....please see what i will use to control u with in future!
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Biggie smalls! says:
ni misaga wana rimwe tondu riri..ndigachari kanini ndatindaga ngionio tuguthumi ni tuiritu..nginya ngetikirio hutie..rimwe ngerwo njikie kara...
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Biggie smalls! says:
iini kwanja nii ninii ndendaga gutuika daddie thaa ciothe ..gachari kangi kangiaugire ati niko gegutuika baba ndakaringaga ta ndarama
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Kc says:
l don´t know whoz worse the kid peeping in ones panty or the one showing & or the dog sticking out his tongue.........Siku njema guyz & don´t do wat l wouldn´t do...........
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Biggie smalls! says:
@Esther...nii ndamenyire guthicana ndi kanini muno...tondu tuiritu twanyendete muno..i wee wamenyire kurumwo wina miaka iigana?
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Biggie smalls! says:
@Lady Kayce ....have u forgotten this is broken english corner..read the heading again....me and esther we are speaking english though broken!
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Biggie smalls! says:
.
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MERCY says:
@littleJ** , continue breaking it!
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Biggie smalls! says:
@Esther wiiguaga hagiuka atia...ugikwo?....kana uke twikane uumuthi?
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Biggie smalls! says:
.
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Kc says:
(((((OMG))))
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Biggie smalls! says:
njiira wiha...nguiyire hau na ngari thaa ici!...tuikane ucoke wiinuke ...ama?
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Smart says:
tiganana na mufango wa kando!
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Smart says:
Lady k. That was just one way of killing a boring friday afternoon at wrk. am deleting all my side.
Meant no harm
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Biggie smalls! says:
Hey don't delete....esther r u ashamed of that?
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Smart says:
am not ashamed of anything or did i say anything wrong?
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Kc says:
Dir....... it´s kool coz l cracked abt it so don´t erase it...... sad 4 those jokes lovers..........like me!Thx 4 the cracks though.........l´m having a full day schedue today...........When u erase it means ur ashamed...so better not erase or u´ve done it already?
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Biggie smalls! says:
riu nuu ngwika uuumuthi....ndiri na mundu wa kuruma!
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Biggie smalls! says:
kaba ingiri kana tondu riu ingihutitie tuthugumi twa tuiritu ta ikumi..ngiraguo njikie kara thiini....
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Qly says:
WHO REMEMBERS THE ONE TIME THE NAIROBI CITY MAYOR.
"I DON'T WANT PEOPLE FUCKING THEIR CARS,EVEN I, THE FATHER OF THE CITY DON'T FUCK MY CAR ANYWHERE.I HAVE A FUCKING PLACE"!!!!FOR REAL THIS IS HOW IT SOUNDED WITH HIS DEEP CENTRAL ACCENT.....THE WORD 'FUCK'HERE HE MEANT 'PARK'
HIS NAME I THINK WAS DICK OR KINGORI
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Kc says:
A class teacher askes "Who just destroyed the air, don´t dare tell me, today nimaragwe day?"Teheehee......Yaa we were all in 4 trouble coz it was a maragwe day...........sha.........
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Chepman says:
Then there is this friend of mine who got hit by a motorbike but this is how she put it when she was later telling me;
"You know I was entered by a motorbike...and I broke my glasses...."
Telling you...thought I had inhaled some laughing Gas later as I was wiping off tears.....lol!
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Kc says:
Wewe Chep,yahyah........ l´ll keep my peace...let the case rest......mhhhhhhhhhhh
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Aleksandra says:
The Italian Man Who Went to Malta
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1TnzCiUSI0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rsvu5Sz8bTw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjXGywPzkw0
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Kc says:
Chep....... can u explain more abt this storo abt the motorbike??????????l´m very curious abt the storoo.......
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Chepman says:
@Lady Kayce: Are you sure you really wanna know about the motor bike thing?
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Kc says:
Yaa tell me & don´t dare leave out anything...........
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Chepman says:
Then there is this dude who wanted to sell a DVD to a white guy somwhere in Nairobi, and this is how he put it;
...Hey, you mzungu, coming and buying this my picture movie CD...very very nice..you will be seeing it for yourself..."
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Kc says:
Wat?Thats all...............lol!Want my money back.....................& keep ur movie CD!
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Jei says:
HIGH SCHOOL LOVE LETTER! (From a Girl to a Boy)
MAY THE RECEIVER BE THE OPENER **
** ROLL DOWN TOU YOU ** KISS BEFORE YOU READ
** " P D N F"--- please do no fold **
Roll down to you sweetiepie Babe!
Time and ability plus double capacity has forced my pen to dance automatically on this benedicted sheet of paper. Why! this miraculous thing happened is because papie I love you spontaneously and as I stand horizontal to the wall and perpendicular to the ground I only think of you, since you are a fantastic and fabulous guy. papie please Stop haranguing with the feelings in my heart because I love you more than a snake loves rat. To me each day starts by thinking of you and ends by dreaming of you. Each time I see you my metabolism suddenly stops and my peristalysis goes in reverse gear. My medular-oblandata also stops functioning.
Crazy crazy crazy you may say but this is true. If only you knew what is going on in my encephalon you would understand. That's why I need to see you face to face with you, soon. I think I have to pen-off hear because I still haven't finished studying electrolysis and polymerization. Catch you pa- later. Sleep tight and don't let those bed bugs ever bite you coz you are too sweet a thing for them.
Yourz Ever,
Sugar tapi tapi
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Jei says:
THE BOY REPLIED!!!!!(Boy replies to the girl)
** FLY LIKE A JUMBO JET**
** ROLL DOWN TOU YOU ** KISS BEFORE YOU READ
** " P D N F"--- please do no fold
My Love, My Sugar, i was exasperated with pride to have received one from you, the lungs in my body flapped with joy when i have been reading your letter. Anyway by now you have reached the realisations to why i am jotting this small letter to you, yes it is to see if you are keeping with the sands of time.
How is everything on that other side of yours? Well here everything is just half lemon half sugar to makeit schweppes. How is your schooling? How are you pulling the wagons of life? I am just pulling the schooling thing like a donkey pulling a cart.
My honie, i am missing you ve ry much right now, my heart is perambulating with every word that i write, if it was not for these oceans that decided to flow between us then i would get on the next bus to come and see you, but until then i know that i will not hesitate to put this blue blood on this paper and write to you. I remember that day lovie, that one sweet day as Maria Curry sanged it, you know that it is my favorites song honie, the one day that we were boarding the combies and you escorted me to my home, walking with you just brought sweet dreams to me for the rest of my life honie.
If words of love could ride a bicycle I would be competing against Diego Maradona. Anyways, i will not stop you from reading the books that give you life and education so I will stop here for today.
Please always writing to me because I am missing you like sugar misses tea. You can see my foto below
My dedications to you are :
Maria Curry - One Sweet Day.
Boys to Main - And of the Rod
Keep well my mop of my heart, Yours in flesh and in blood, Ruise Sugar Baby
P.S. Sorry about my english, I did not learn anymore
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Prisca says:
hahahaaaaa,Jed i wish i was the galfriend to receive such a lovely letter!hahaha i cant stop laughing my lungs out,to be fair Jed,was that girl not you really?
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Prisca says:
hahahaaaaa,Jed i wish i was the galfriend to receive such a lovely letter!hahaha i cant stop laughing my lungs out,to be fair Jed,was that girl not you really?
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Prisca says:
spelling mistakes english students make.
Do you like this food?
I made it from scratching!
I never liked mushrooms,
but now they are starting to grow in me.
Do you like your coffee cremated?
Tomorrow I will go to a wine and cheese cutting party.
Every morning I have some toast
and a big glass of flute juice.
* * * * *
Did you have breakfast?
Yes. Now it is in my backpack.
My friends visited last night and
we served a nice pig dinner.
My favorite food is crap cakes.
My mother is usually already
cooked one or two hours before dinner.
A good lice cooker can keep your
lice warm and eatable for two days.
My sister exploded in the microwave with a potato!
I think that if there is a beautiful waitress in one restaurant and a normal one in the second, and they both taste the same, most people will visit the first one.
Would you like a potato wedgie?
I usually worm up my food before I eat it.
My stomach is so crowded.
I ate ten or twenty Buffalo wigs.
Would you like some?
No thanks. I just ate some chickens.
It took twenty minutes for the waiter
to take my odor.
When my roommates ate my cook,
they pretended it was delicious.
Are you hungry? I have dirty toes.
You have what?
Dirty toes. In my back pack.
Um, can you spell that?
Maybe D-O-R-I-T-O-S. Do you
Want to try one?
No thanks. I?m not so hungry
right now.
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Kc says:
Jeddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii lovya gal wooie l missed reading ur fab craking letter hile mbaya.......yesterday........wera ne wera.......sweetie u just made my day gal........I cracked till the tears rolled down ,my face dir.....so...roll down those sweet broken eng letters plz coz they just brought back old times! Wooie,i miss those days of silly stupid lov letters that made me roll on the grass with cracks with my gallie friends after we´d read one of the lov letters.lol!Sweet times.........good times in highkool never knew those sweet days will never come back.......... U know wat gal loved Boyz 2 Men they used to make me cry when they sang.esp end of the road............wooie chuo...
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Kc says:
Prisca eng nii kong hile mbaya .........
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Chepman says:
If you know this is yours then please stand up;
...forget about kiss the inn thing is smooch but am not sure if a kiss but of it
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Kc says:
Wooie..Hahaha..................its hilarous wanting to know wat he meant coz........no words no words.........but l have a small clue.....l guess...........
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Prisca says:
Chep,am not sure i really want to know what the guy meant,mhhhh.hahahaaaaaaaaaa some things are just funny imagined!
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Kc says:
True dat Prisca, sasa sweets, did u have a lovelly weekend?
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Prisca says:
superb my dear,stayed home whole weekend,doing nothing but sleeping!nimepumzika fresh sana,now am back to work with full speed!
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Kc says:
Lucky u l´m nearing sleep walking......´blame it on being workaholic............so.....maybe i better go on pension with 50yrs.........teheehee l know l´ll do that when old & brittle & pple can´t stand my wrinkles anymore...........
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Prisca says:
Bush Quotes and Bush Bloopers of 2004
I?m a proud man to be the nation based upon such wonderful values
I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe?I believe what I believe is right!
I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can?t answer your question.
I think the American people?I hope the American?I don?t think, let me?I hope the American people trust me
I?m also not very analytical. You know I don?t spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things
It?s important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It?s not only life of babies, but it?s life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet
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Kc says:
Hahaha Prisca.......... can u believe it that this guy went to Harvard?Well l think he went there thro the back door........He´s the most hated American Prezo......The American Gava have to pay 4 his security some many yrs coz many pple would lov to see him dead!He´s one guy who never ansered questions from anyone b4 the qustions were analysed by someone else & he´s given briefying how to go ahead & ans..........lol!He fliped out one time when asked a question by some interviewer.....coz he almost drew some maps with his feet trying to figure out how to ans......lol!Lord have Mercy on America.......thats why l´m against ánybody being Prezo when he´s father was some big man......eg Jimi,Raila,
Uhuru Kenyatta,.......coz they´ve no id how hard life is...........?
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Jei says:
@ Prisca the letter up there...it wasnt me gal... it just hit me now may be it was me but weweeweeeeeeeeee when i come to think of it it wasnt me.
@ Lady... its good to remember the past.. it sure has good memories... crack harder gal
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Kc says:
Yes gal do drop some more gal plz .......niaje gal..?
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J. M. says:
One mono was told to say something on behalf of all monos.
"I greet you all are you good, (no answer), why are you not greetakaring"
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Jei says:
A guy was trying to explain something then the small sister was interfering then the guy was like:- I talk , you talk.. why are u middle talking?
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Kc says:
Go on doing that my dir, cracks do make one young & beautiful...............
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DRE says:
I heard this from a zimbabwean guy, the joke is rather in the accent, it goes like this
I saw one men stending there he went into a bay and bought some snakes that he raped in a paper.
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Kc says:
Hahaha.......hilarious really funny Andrew.......lol!
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Chepman says:
very fraud company. they r thinking that we all were stupids. dont belive this. lets carrry on with our work... have a swweet day njoy each n every second
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Aleksandra says:
NO!! smorking
NO!! littering
NO!! tout
NO!! shoplifting
CANTION DANGER!
...
http://www.engrish.com/
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GREIMANN says:
Sometimes back in mid Eighties, Kariuki Chotara was addressing a political gathering in Naivasha,
"When I came here the road was koba ngoba ngoba, but now you see it is nyweee .... "
translation you all know ....
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Biggie smalls! says:
M.P from central province ....i will put bottle hang'endi mene menes on roads....meaning he would put street lights !
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Kc says:
Dear Daring, i hope ur better than me at this moment!I´m trying to figure it out why u kicked me like some rubbish in kariokor mkt?Wat did i not do right 4 u not to have loved me more?Plz do explain my big mistake.I´m soo confused that me head is bining at the news,that u don´t want me.I´m crying brad as i write this letter!Its not manly to beg but i beg coz i´m a begger & they don´t chose do they?Sweerie how can u 4get the good times when i rocked u to sleep.Didn´t u tell me that i´m one in a million?Now its over like i never exsisted like those delected messeges in ur yahoo mail box.Did i mean soo little 4 u to say ciao.Is there another bugger cheating u too leave me.Wasn´t i the fool that held ur hand as u feared to fail ur exams.Why ,why, finished i thought we were going to the next level of things?Did u leave me coz my family r poor as church mice.Yes poor but with dignity & dream i´m gonna lift them from the slums. 2 b con.............
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Jei says:
Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
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Chepman says:
You gais ganduu widoud dee...tehehee!!
(You guys can do without tea)
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Prisca says:
there down (direct translation from kiswahili-kule chini)
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Biggie smalls! says:
when i see prisca my heart jump jumps....yaani nikiona prisca roho yangu inaruka ruka!
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Prisca says:
when i see biggie small i feel like throwing out my rotten food in the stomach(meaning when i see Biggie small,nasdikia kutapika)
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Flo says:
Translation from Swahili to English
. Kakamua-brother sugarcane
. Prisca kazimia-Prisca has job hundred.
. Nimekutafuta wee lakini wapi-i looked for youu but where.
.Prisca usichukue mto wangu- P don take my river
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Prisca says:
my lake is hurting...ziwa(breast) langu linauma.
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Kc says:
Wacha Prisca.............so tukamue vipi? A good way to relieve ur pain bana.............teheehee..
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Prisca says:
Lady,hahahaaaaaaa hapana kukamua bwana,taongeza maumivu.
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Biggie smalls! says:
lete nilinyonye .....
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Biggie smalls! says:
nataka kulimmm mmm mumunya....meaning kuli suck
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Prisca says:
kulisuck li nini?
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Biggie smalls! says:
ziwa!
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Prisca says:
a tanzanian moviestar was asked to eat during the big brother last two weeks,and he answered "am closed" instead of "fasting".a translation of 'nimefunga' in swahili.
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Kc says:
Prisca.........so u need dem twins to relieve dem ziwa quikly with out pain.....teheehee.......
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Your broken English quotes!!
Were you not know the ticketing of beer is the finishment of moralization?
<i>One kenyan local chief to a club owner!!</i>